Seriously, People Are Weird

Okay, so I have been quite absent lately. My apologies. I had a great week with Dad visiting the city and was a little preoccupied (with drinking). Oh yeah, and that whole job thing, that also tends to keep me busy.

Anyway, I'd like to use this opportunity to comment on how strange people are through a couple of anecdotes.

I was getting into the elevator at the office a while ago after just purchasing a soda from the downstairs coffee bar. I had opened the can of Diet Coke (gotta watch that waistline) as a lady was getting onto the lift. She opened up conversation with this little gem, "You don't drink soda from the can do you?" I gave her a puzzled look as I brought the can to my lips and took a sip. She continued her enlightening conversation with, "Do you know how much rat poop is on that lid?" I think I tried to comeback with "delicious" or something like that, but she had reached her floor and got off.

Seriously though, is it necessary to strike up a conversation that at any point references "rat poop"? I'm not sure what Dear Abby would say, but I think it's a little ridonkulous. Let me drink my rat poop in peace lady, c'mon.

Another little tidbit of the human species that I really don't understand is the need for men to remove belts, unbutton, or otherwise take off their pants while standing at a urinal. That's why they invented the zipper thousands of years ago, so the cavemen could pee standing up and not moon the saber-tooth tigers, duh. Even with a button-fly it's easy enough not to become undressed while visiting the loo. I really just don't understand what's going on there. And more to the point, I'd rather not understand it, I just wish it would go away.

In light of my vocabulary changing to be more British the longer I'm here (notice 'lift' and 'loo' above), I've decided to add some English-to-English Translations to the blog. You should read up on these so you can fit in more when you come to visit me. Here's your first installment:

Diary = Calendar/Planner
"I'm not sure if I can meet then, I'll have to check my diary"
(and no, people who say this are not also 12 year old girls)

Half seven = 7:30 (or any other o'clock)
"I'll meet you at the pub at half 6"
(and make sure to say 'half' more like 'hof', you'll sound more pretentious that way)

Do = Gathering (or something, I haven't really figured this one out)
"We're having a leaving do for Tom's retirement next week"
"Can you make it for my birthday do this evening?"
(seriously, I don't get this at all)

Could Do = Yes
"Hey Jim, can you finish that report by 5?" "I could do"
(as opposed the the actual meaning of 'i might, let me consider it for a moment', crazy Brits)

Alright, that's enough for now. More to follow soon enough.